How my stupid feelings work

Well I've figured out that my brain is literally split in two pieces. Half of me is logical and the other half is emotional. I hate how these two sides collide! For example....

I broke up with my most recent ex last June due to finding her texting another guy (how I felt) innapropriately. It wasn't anything like "send me nudes" or "I can't wait for you to come over" or anything like that. It was more along the lines of just lots of texting and wanting to get drinks or kind of innocent stuff like that. But, at the time, we were also fighting a lot due to HER insecurities (ironic I know) and her immaturity. So, I used the texting thing as a cop out and blamed that for our breakup. In reality, nothing was actually going on between them other than friendship and he ended up moving out of state due to a job opportunity. So that issue went away and she assured me that nothing like that would ever happen again so that I wouldn't feel that way again. I'm still a little upset about it but whatever. We've hooked up a couple times since we broke up and I'm the only one that's been with someone else since. She's vowed not to do anything with anyone to get me back and she's done a good job at it, but then again, she's a shy kind of person so it's easy for her.

This is where my brain starts to mess with me. The last couple days I've been thinking a lot about her and if we were to get back together. The issues that I had with her I don't see anymore, even though I know they could still be there. I really loved this girl! Her and I connected on levels I can't even describe. But she was so convinced that I was out of her league that she became possesive and jealous of every girl I ever came into contact with. She shared my passion for music which I haven't been able to find in anyone since, and that's a huge thing for me. Not to be weird, but she did anything and everything in the bedroom with me too. Which was nice 'cause I used to feel weird for being into certain things and she was always down. She even came at me with ideas that I didn't think of and that was cool. My emotional side wants to get back with her so bad, but my logical side is telling me to forget it and move on. I can't seem to do that. I suck at moving on. I hate that I'm obsessed with love. I try to justify getting back together with her and I feel like I'm just making excuses.

I do have an idea that could go either way and still not affect anything I think. What if....

For starters, no sex with her. Sex complicates everything. It always does no matter how bad you try and convince yourself it doesn't, it does. So with sex out, what if I went and got a cup of coffee with her? Just to catch up and see, from my logical side, if she's become more mature and what I'm looking for in a wife. I want to start settling down soon, but I want to make sure who I decide I want to be with for the rest of my life that I'm happy. I want someone that can grow with me and someone that we can pursue our same interests together. We can go on small day dates and see if anything sparks. If it does, great! If it doesn't, oh well. At least I would be able to say it wasn't based off of sex or desires. That we genuinely want to grow as a couple.

I don't know. My emotions and my logical are at battle and I hate being in the middle. I guess we'll just see where this all goes... fml.


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