Adult Trying to Overcome Obstacles

Extremely difficult! At first I titled this "Overcoming Obstacles," but then I realized I haven't overcome anything. I'm still trying my hardest to beat this. As humiliating as it is, I can't stand that side of me. I want it to be out of my head so I can use my time better. Maybe it's just cause I'm a male, but I feel like the sensation is overwhelming sometimes. Yeah....Sex. Sex is my obstacle. It always has been. I think about it so much. It doesnt help that this world we live in uses it to sell everything. Everywhere I look sex is always been thrown in my face one way or another. Especially after having a huge breakup, I think about it even more. Granted, some days are easier than others, but overall it's still a huge thought constantly in my mind. It's almost like a drug. I feel uneasy that I haven't had sex in a while. AND THAT'S ONE OF THE WORST PARTS! When I say "a while" it really isn't that long compared to other people. It's just "a while" for me. And I HATE that about myself. I wish I wasn't so sexually focused. I wish I could be normal in that sense. I'm almost 26 years old and I still feel like how I felt when I was 15 and saw my first boobies lol. This is rediculous right!? I feel like I should've grown out of this by now. At least had an adult enough mind to steer myself straight. Thankfully, I chose not to look at smut/porn 'cause I don't want to desensitize myself so that one day I won't have an issue with getting aroused for my future wife. But still, today specifically, all I wanna do is fuck! It's all I can think about. And I hate that it's all I'm thinking about. It's not even about doing it with a certain person. It's just the act iteself. Maybe it will get easier as time goes by. Maybe cause of my recent breakup. Idk. I'm glad, at the very least, that I'm OCD when it comes to cleanliness so I know I would never call up or go looking for a prostitute. Still, I just wish I didn't have these thoughts, these urges & feelings. I wish they would go away so that I could be normal and productive. fml

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